Day 7

Well, its now been 7 full days. The symptoms haven't gotten better yet...I woke up this morning feeling like I have the flu. I don't think I have the flu, I really think its the withdrawls. Those crashing symbols in my head, remind me of that.

I got to meet up with my friends last night for dinner. While I did have fun, it was hard to concentrate on everything that was going on. My head was so full of noise, we were in a noisy environment, and it was difficult. We did have some really good laughs. We were laughing so hard, there were tears. It was great.

But as I sit here, telling the story, I am blank. I feel unhappy, drained and sick.
I am debating on whether or not I should go into work for a few hours. Not because I "need" to, as my husband says, but more because I feel like that is the only place I have control over anything...

It would also be even nicer to get stuff done in the office, when no one is there. I get weary from having to put on a fake smile, voice, and overall attitude for my bosses. Its draining. Even when they call me on the phone, I have to plaster on a fake smile, so that it translates through on our phone conversation.

My male boss is always asking me if I am pregnant yet. He insists that I tell him before anyone else in the office. I finally told him yesterday, after being asked for the billionth time, "You will find out, when everybody else does." Somehow he thinks he is special enough to know before anyone else finds out. My husband and I already have enough pressure, we don't need dumb asses like my boss adding to that. (Yes, me just venting)

I've been reading a new book. Well for the last several weeks. Its a story that my oldest daughter has been writing. It is so mature for her. She even emailed me a disclaimer, before she allowed me to read it. She was worried that I would assume she was doing all the stuff she has been writing about in the story. I assured her that I did not think that at all. I was just extremley privlaged that she would allow me into that part of her world. She is an amazing writer...I love her so very much.

Well, I am going to close this one for now. I am going to take a shower, and see how I feel after that. I can already feel my throat getting tight, and my eyes welling up with tears....Mothers sacrafice a lot for their children....even for those babies that don't exist yet. I guess that is what this is right?