I woke up Saturday morning, and felt like maybe I had a bladder infection. It was so slight, the symptoms, that I excused my feelings for normal pregnancy symptoms. Since my symptoms didn't really get worse, I ignored them. Well, today at work, I just felt off, my symptoms seemed to increase and the baby gave me a jab to the bladder. That sent me over the edge. I doubled over in pain, and wanted to cry. I called my OB and asked if I could just swing by and leave a urine sample. They said, "No, you need to see the doctor." So I went in, left a urine sample, and viola, in a few moments...I was diagnosed with a UTI. So start the antibiotics, the OB told me, and keep drinking lots of fluids. I have another OB appt next week, so we will check things out then. I was hoping I'd go without getting a UTI. I get them so frequently just normally, but this one was a bit different. I guess because I always feel like I have pressure on my bladder, from the baby. He is doing well, and his heart rate checked out fine, and a good sign is, he is still crazy active as can be.
My baby shower is this Saturday. I am looking forward to it. Its been quite the ordeal trying to plan. I still have not told my mother about it. I am sure at some point she will find out about it. I have a hard time getting over things, and can tend to hold a grudge for a while. Its something I wish I didn't do, so often. The background of the story goes as so....Originally I was not going to have a shower. I didn't really care if we had one or not. My best friend lives in Seattle, I didn't want her to try planning something, from afar. She did offer to throw one, but I remember how very busy I was, when I had two small children. It was not something I wanted her to deal with. I would have much rather had her enjoy being a guest. This is my husband's first child, and although he won't be at the shower, he really wanted me to have one. He wants all the 1st experiences. I can understand that, and how can I take that from him, just because I already have kids of my own? He and I came up with this great idea. I told him that my mother was always saying, "If you need my help with anything, let me know." I thought this would be perfect, she could help me put together a shower. I was so excited to talk with her about it, that I called her right away. I had all these ideas in my head, and I couldn't wait to share them with her. We talked, and I just simply asked her, "Would you want to help me put together a baby shower, and host it?" I even told her that my husband and I would take care of the expenses. She said, "You want me to throw you a shower??" This was not said in excitement, but rather with a tone like, why in the world would I do that for you? She said, "Isn't someone else supposed to do that for you?" "I wouldn't even know who you'd invite." She sounded very put out, and annoyed that I would even ask for her help. I immediately began to cry quietly. I was hurt, and taken by surprise. After listening to her give me many reasons why she didn't feel like she was the appropriate person to throw a shower I finally said, "Its okay, please forget it, we won't do this." "OH stop it!" she snapped at me. She could tell I was hurt, and tried to change her tone with me. She said, "Oh you could make that dip you like, and I will come by this weekend and we will send out invites." I agreed, then bawled to my husband. After speaking with him, mind you he was very angry. He said, "I will throw you a shower." I told him thank you, but that it was okay. He then said, "Let's see if Cheryl will help us out." I called my mother and told her that I had decided not to have a shower. She didn't fight me on it, and I didn't think she would.
So, I still haven't gotten past this hurt feeling. I just hope that I never hurt my children like that. This may not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but its just one of several things she has done, in my life, that make me feel this way. I just can't handle it any longer, and don't know what to do about it. I have tried time and time again to talk with her, and it always ends up with me being overly sensitive. Perhaps I am, but I guess I always wished my mother would be a little more sensitive herself.
So, now as it stands I have planned this shower myself, and have some help with two good friends. I will hope to post some pictures of the event. I am really looking forward to hanging out with my friends and two daughters. I am really going to miss them all, when we move away. I am trying to enjoy these celebrations we have, and the time we will spend together.
My B-day is coming up, and I'd like to plan a dinner, have friends over, and celebrate. I just have to think of the day to do so :)
