Hey, I thought I'd write some, before we get ready for bed. I'll update you on the Cymbalta. Friday will be week 3. I have to say, things are starting to get better. The cymbals don't crash as loud as they first did. The dizzy spells are slowing down, and I don't feel like punching everyone in the face, all the time. The only thing that hasn't let up is the body soreness. It is really intense at times. I just haven't quite figured out what aleviates the pain. Nothing helps the aches go away, unfortunately. We've been taking walks and what not, but I notice that all the body pain is really intensified, when I do anything active. It sucks. I am hoping that by next Friday I will be better than I am now. Its getting better, just slowly getting better.
Before I forget this thought...I have to express my feelings for my husband. After having to have many dealings with the kids dad over the past few days, I am so incredibly happy that I am married to Jeremy. He is so supportive of me, and the kids. He is also really good about making me feel good about myself. I've had to deal with my son's father a lot, due to his upcoming Bar Mitzvah, and I came so close to just slapping him. He just says some of the most hurtful things, without even really thinking about how other people are going to feel. There are times where my husband and I think, it would be so much easier if the kids dad wasn't involved....yes, we admit sometimes we think like that. Co-parenting the way we do is really hard work. Its hard to keep emotions in check, and think about how your decision is going to affect the "other" parents involved. Anyway, enough of that. Point being: My husband is an amazing man. I love him, and I am soooooo lucky that he is in this with me forever!
I wanted to blog about the concert we went to, but its that time...Time to get the kiddos ready for bed. Oh, I also wanted to blog about Emma's MD appt. She has GERD. We found out that it has come back, with a vengence on her...my poor girl. She is beginning medications and has to completely change her diet. Bland foods only. She tells me that she is going to die, since she won't be able to eat spaghetti sauces anymore....I will blog about that whole experience next time....
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Day 7
Well, its now been 7 full days. The symptoms haven't gotten better yet...I woke up this morning feeling like I have the flu. I don't think I have the flu, I really think its the withdrawls. Those crashing symbols in my head, remind me of that.
I got to meet up with my friends last night for dinner. While I did have fun, it was hard to concentrate on everything that was going on. My head was so full of noise, we were in a noisy environment, and it was difficult. We did have some really good laughs. We were laughing so hard, there were tears. It was great.
But as I sit here, telling the story, I am blank. I feel unhappy, drained and sick.
I am debating on whether or not I should go into work for a few hours. Not because I "need" to, as my husband says, but more because I feel like that is the only place I have control over anything...
It would also be even nicer to get stuff done in the office, when no one is there. I get weary from having to put on a fake smile, voice, and overall attitude for my bosses. Its draining. Even when they call me on the phone, I have to plaster on a fake smile, so that it translates through on our phone conversation.
My male boss is always asking me if I am pregnant yet. He insists that I tell him before anyone else in the office. I finally told him yesterday, after being asked for the billionth time, "You will find out, when everybody else does." Somehow he thinks he is special enough to know before anyone else finds out. My husband and I already have enough pressure, we don't need dumb asses like my boss adding to that. (Yes, me just venting)
I've been reading a new book. Well for the last several weeks. Its a story that my oldest daughter has been writing. It is so mature for her. She even emailed me a disclaimer, before she allowed me to read it. She was worried that I would assume she was doing all the stuff she has been writing about in the story. I assured her that I did not think that at all. I was just extremley privlaged that she would allow me into that part of her world. She is an amazing writer...I love her so very much.
Well, I am going to close this one for now. I am going to take a shower, and see how I feel after that. I can already feel my throat getting tight, and my eyes welling up with tears....Mothers sacrafice a lot for their children....even for those babies that don't exist yet. I guess that is what this is right?
I got to meet up with my friends last night for dinner. While I did have fun, it was hard to concentrate on everything that was going on. My head was so full of noise, we were in a noisy environment, and it was difficult. We did have some really good laughs. We were laughing so hard, there were tears. It was great.
But as I sit here, telling the story, I am blank. I feel unhappy, drained and sick.
I am debating on whether or not I should go into work for a few hours. Not because I "need" to, as my husband says, but more because I feel like that is the only place I have control over anything...
It would also be even nicer to get stuff done in the office, when no one is there. I get weary from having to put on a fake smile, voice, and overall attitude for my bosses. Its draining. Even when they call me on the phone, I have to plaster on a fake smile, so that it translates through on our phone conversation.
My male boss is always asking me if I am pregnant yet. He insists that I tell him before anyone else in the office. I finally told him yesterday, after being asked for the billionth time, "You will find out, when everybody else does." Somehow he thinks he is special enough to know before anyone else finds out. My husband and I already have enough pressure, we don't need dumb asses like my boss adding to that. (Yes, me just venting)
I've been reading a new book. Well for the last several weeks. Its a story that my oldest daughter has been writing. It is so mature for her. She even emailed me a disclaimer, before she allowed me to read it. She was worried that I would assume she was doing all the stuff she has been writing about in the story. I assured her that I did not think that at all. I was just extremley privlaged that she would allow me into that part of her world. She is an amazing writer...I love her so very much.
Well, I am going to close this one for now. I am going to take a shower, and see how I feel after that. I can already feel my throat getting tight, and my eyes welling up with tears....Mothers sacrafice a lot for their children....even for those babies that don't exist yet. I guess that is what this is right?
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
My life without Cymbalta....
I am beginnning to rethink this whole pregnancy idea. Why? Because Cymbalta sucks. After meeting with my doctor, and OBGYN, they both agreed that taking any amount of Cymbalta during pregancy was a huge risk, on a babys part. It is too risky.
The Plan: I was taking 60mg of Cymbalta daily,for almost a year. My doctor told me to take 30mg for 2 weeks, then at the end of the two weeks, stop completely. My last day of Cymbalta, was last Friday. I first couple days weren't too bad, but I am now on day 5, and it is nearly unbearable at times.
Cymbalta is an SNRI (SNRI (serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors)—A class of medications that affect the activity of serotonin and norepinephrine.)
I was given Cymbalta, after many attempts, and fails, with other antidepressents, the SSRI (SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor)—A class of antidepressants that affect the activity of serotonin.)
Nothing worked, nothing helped....on top of depression, I had severe migraines (4-5 a week) and physical pain (aches in my muscles) that I could not get rid of. I was at a loss, and my doctor's office didn't know what to do with me, so they referred my to someone who specializes in treating depression, and that could help manage medications. After seeing this other MD, and trying various other alternative treatments, I ended up with Cymbalta in my hands.
My husband and I want to have a child together. My goal, to get off the Cymbalta. However, it is proving to be much harder than I ever thought it would be. The withdrawl symptoms, as explained to my by my doctor, shouldn't be bad at all. Maybe the occasional headache, some nausea, but you'll get by. I now believe my doctor, has no real idea what the withdrawl symptoms are like at all. I have been doing a lot of my own research, and have found thousands of forums, with people going through this same living hell, as I am. I am having problems finding people that are trying to get pregnant, and coming off Cymbalta. There is also little to no information on women that have taken Cymbalta during pregnancy. I am guessing because it is so dangerous to take in pregnancy.
The withdrawl symptoms: Brain zaps, dizziness with sudden movements, slight movements, sometimes no movement at all, it just comes on. My emotions (all of them) are extremly heightened. My entire body hurts. Not to be gross, but I did start my period, and even using (or trying to use) tampons is painful. I have been having nightmares, waking up in cold sweats. I get hot flashes. My headaches are so intense. I can feel my brain beating inside my skull. The light makes the headaches worse. My teeth hurt. My hair hurts. Its like all my nerve ending are on high alert, and feel everything. Normally I have ringing in my ears, but of course, it is much louder. At times, if sounds as if I have cymbals crashing inside my head. I am really agitated. Working is hard...I feel sick, my throat hurts, I just hate this so much. My feelings are so on the surface, and I hate that. We had a meeting at work, and I had the worst panic attack ever. I felt like the entire room could hear my thoughts, and I just wanted to run out of there and go cry in the bathroom. Its hard to stay positive, when I feel so crappy. (And crappy is putting it mildly.)
I hear (read) that this whole process is long....
Long, is not reassuring.
In prepration for this "wean" I went to the supplement store and got some supplements to help ease the pain and mood. I can't imagine that it could possibly be much worse than it is.
The other hope that my doctors have is...."We think that once you get pregnant, your hormones will change, thus creating a more stable you, perhaps you will never need any antidepressent ever again."
I am gonna end this for now, but I will keep you updated. My hope, if nothing else, is that my post/journal entries, will help someone else in my situation.
I want you to know that (if you are in this situation) you are not alone, everything you are going through right now, in the withdrawl process is real. I hope the best for you all.....
The Plan: I was taking 60mg of Cymbalta daily,for almost a year. My doctor told me to take 30mg for 2 weeks, then at the end of the two weeks, stop completely. My last day of Cymbalta, was last Friday. I first couple days weren't too bad, but I am now on day 5, and it is nearly unbearable at times.
Cymbalta is an SNRI (SNRI (serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors)—A class of medications that affect the activity of serotonin and norepinephrine.)
I was given Cymbalta, after many attempts, and fails, with other antidepressents, the SSRI (SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor)—A class of antidepressants that affect the activity of serotonin.)
Nothing worked, nothing helped....on top of depression, I had severe migraines (4-5 a week) and physical pain (aches in my muscles) that I could not get rid of. I was at a loss, and my doctor's office didn't know what to do with me, so they referred my to someone who specializes in treating depression, and that could help manage medications. After seeing this other MD, and trying various other alternative treatments, I ended up with Cymbalta in my hands.
My husband and I want to have a child together. My goal, to get off the Cymbalta. However, it is proving to be much harder than I ever thought it would be. The withdrawl symptoms, as explained to my by my doctor, shouldn't be bad at all. Maybe the occasional headache, some nausea, but you'll get by. I now believe my doctor, has no real idea what the withdrawl symptoms are like at all. I have been doing a lot of my own research, and have found thousands of forums, with people going through this same living hell, as I am. I am having problems finding people that are trying to get pregnant, and coming off Cymbalta. There is also little to no information on women that have taken Cymbalta during pregnancy. I am guessing because it is so dangerous to take in pregnancy.
The withdrawl symptoms: Brain zaps, dizziness with sudden movements, slight movements, sometimes no movement at all, it just comes on. My emotions (all of them) are extremly heightened. My entire body hurts. Not to be gross, but I did start my period, and even using (or trying to use) tampons is painful. I have been having nightmares, waking up in cold sweats. I get hot flashes. My headaches are so intense. I can feel my brain beating inside my skull. The light makes the headaches worse. My teeth hurt. My hair hurts. Its like all my nerve ending are on high alert, and feel everything. Normally I have ringing in my ears, but of course, it is much louder. At times, if sounds as if I have cymbals crashing inside my head. I am really agitated. Working is hard...I feel sick, my throat hurts, I just hate this so much. My feelings are so on the surface, and I hate that. We had a meeting at work, and I had the worst panic attack ever. I felt like the entire room could hear my thoughts, and I just wanted to run out of there and go cry in the bathroom. Its hard to stay positive, when I feel so crappy. (And crappy is putting it mildly.)
I hear (read) that this whole process is long....
Long, is not reassuring.
In prepration for this "wean" I went to the supplement store and got some supplements to help ease the pain and mood. I can't imagine that it could possibly be much worse than it is.
The other hope that my doctors have is...."We think that once you get pregnant, your hormones will change, thus creating a more stable you, perhaps you will never need any antidepressent ever again."
I am gonna end this for now, but I will keep you updated. My hope, if nothing else, is that my post/journal entries, will help someone else in my situation.
I want you to know that (if you are in this situation) you are not alone, everything you are going through right now, in the withdrawl process is real. I hope the best for you all.....
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