Thanksgiving Wrap Up

Today was the first day back, from my 4 day vacation. It was really tough getting up this morning...but I made it. The kids were pretty grouchy this morning. The only one that was even somewhat cooperative, was Emma. She was so happy, thankfully....this is not always the case. After my morning interrogation, of Ara and Tolkien, I found out that they slept horrible last night. I felt their pain, as I too, did not sleep well. Jeremy was tossing and turning. When he wasn't tossing and turning, he was snoring. If he wasn't snoring, Reci, our dog was snoring. The fact that I had drank a large glass of water right before bed, didn't help me out either. I was up at least twice, emptying the bladder. I am so paranoid about bladder infections and kidney infections. I didn't blog about my last episode on this site, but did so on myspace. You see right before I got married, a week in fact, I developed a bladder infection, this quickly spread to my kidneys then before you knew it, I was diagnosed with kidney stones. It was horrible....and extremely painful. So...long story short, I don't hold my pee...EVER! Okay, so yada, yada, yada...everyone was tired this morning.

I am currently sitting in the bedroom of my five-year-old daughter, Emma. She just finished asking me, "Is it bedtime? I am tired." Music to a mother's ears right? So it appears as though we all managed to get through today. My husband didn't seem tired, but he is pretty adaptable to any situation.

All in all, I did have a good day. It went pretty fast. It was nice to go back to work, and hear about every one's Thanksgiving celebrations. Each and every one was different. People that went out of town, people that stayed in town, people that got angry with their families, people that surprisingly didn't get angry with their families :) That was me....I was fully prepared to break open the bottle of wine, once I found out that my mother and I would be cooking together. We get along, but we don't at the same time. My mom and I used to be really close, but it seems as though over the past few months, things have been somewhat strained. Maybe its because I got married? Maybe its because we are both really busy? Maybe its nothing, and I am just imagining it. I don't know. I know its unrealistic to expect a family get together to go as perfectly planned, but I was really hoping it would be close to this expectation. I guess with everything else that was involved, I was going to stay hopeful. This was mine and Jeremy's first Thanksgiving together. Last year, he was overseas. This year I was so thankful, that he was able to celebrate this time with us. I was really excited about the idea of starting new traditions. Although we didn't have Emma with us this year, we did have Ara and Tolkien with us. It was beyond wonderful. My mother wanted to come over and celebrate with us. She also wanted my brother to join us too. This was fine, but something to know...my mother would love nothing more, than for my brother and I to be close. I didn't grow up with him. He lived down in California for most of his life, and only recently moved up here to Spokane. We are so different from one another. I have made every attempt to "get to know" my brother. I feel as though I have gone above and beyond, to seek out a relationship with him. Its very one sided. My mother always feels the need to tell me when to call him, why to call him, and questions me when I don't call him enough. I finally snapped and asked, "Do you tell him to call me?" She said, "Well he figures if you don't call him, then why should he call you." So, my question is...at what point do I just give up? I am really tired of feeling guilty every time my brother isn't the first thing on my mind. Basically what it comes down to is this...I used to believe that you owed someone you were related to some type of relationship. Why? Because you were related to them. I just recently discovered that it is OK, if this isn't the case. Its about setting boundaries. Its okay to set them. Don't get me wrong, I am not a stuck up snob to my brother, but my mother has got to realize that we are more than likely not ever going to be close siblings. You can't force something that isn't there. I have even had to set boundaries with my mother and now that I say that, it hits me....duh, that is why the two of you are not as close as you used to be....you set the boundary. People always ask me how I ended up in Spokane. "Were you born here?" "Is your family from here." I think I have my response down to a science now. "No, I was born in California, but my mother and I moved up here when I was less than a year old." "Its always just been the two of us, for the most part, but my brother just recently moved up here about a year ago." Sometimes I throw in the fact that my mother has a fairly large side to her family. I am not close with any of them, and its hard not to feel like an alien, whenever I have gone down to visit my family. I don't speak Spanish, don't understand it, and not only have been teased about this by my family, but by pretty much anyone that thinks I should speak/understand the language. I have a hard time relating to that side of what is supposed to be within myself. Wow, how did I get into all of this??

So, there we are....back to Thanksgiving...My mother and I in the kitchen. My mom was there. I mean, she was physically there, cooking, talking, doing all the right motions, but I could tell that her mind was with my brother. She had invited him over, and he was supposed to arrive at my house later. He never showed. My mother tried several times to call him with no success. I felt bad for her. Her idea of the perfect holiday, was to have her son and daughter together, with her and her grandchildren....and it didn't happen. I felt myself getting upset by the fact that my brother didn't even call her to say, "Hey mom, I decided that I am not coming after all." Even that much would have eased her mind. I guess I felt like, if he really cared, and really wanted to make an attempt, he could and should have. My poor mother. She worries about him so much. I see how sad she gets, and I wish there was something I could do. I guess I could let down a little of my boundaries right?

My mom left our house Thanksgiving Day around 7 pm. Jeremy, the kids and I watched the rest of a movie, and stayed up late hanging out with one another. Our first Thanksgiving....it did go pretty well. I am so thankful for my little family. I have wanted each and every one of them for so long. I have always wanted a family of my own you know....I didn't grow up that way, and was never surrounded by family. It feels so good to have it all, under one roof. I love them all, and can't wait for our next holiday together!